Day 63

I heard mum’s voice tonight for 20 minutes.  I had to cut the phonecall short, because of Irene wishing me not to be on the phone for long anymore.  She keeps mentioning that I’m on for quite a long time, and now I’m starting to learn.  Yes, I’m on the phone, but it’s mainly because mum hasn’t been readily available like every other time that I’ve wished for her around.  Quite a strain, but it’s given me a small lesson.  Sometimes I need to rely on myself.

I’ve been watching TV.  A lot of television.  Started watching a show that I’m really intrigued by… It’s called “My five wives”.  It’s about polygamy.  I’ve learned some things from the show, although I’ve seen one episode.  Basic synopsis:  One guy, Brady has married five wives and had about 25 children.  Good for him, seriously, although it’s a major strain on all their budgets.  I can understand why someone would want to be in this type of relationship, but to have that many children in today’s society would be a major strain.  They’ve made it, with the longest wife of 21yr marriage.  The interesting part is that the wives don’t really talk much.  The other show I’ve been watching is “Days of our lives”.  A draining soap, but all in all – it’s kinda funny.  It’s helping me with my confidence and not splatting my words about so much.  I am strangely thankful for that.

Tv has made me want to move into a new home, settle down, and have children.  Crap.

I’m having up and down days, emotionally.  Saturday was a real downer, as I just sat inside and did absolutely nothing all day.  I did enjoy reading a book that was given to me, that I have now finished.  Although the days seem to change frequently, so do everyone’s thoughts and emotions.  The days don’t blend in together, although it appears each has a fresh start.  I’m happy for that, but I have lost track of time sometimes.  This hasn’t happened by choice, but what has happened is something I can’t tell you, because I don’t know myself just yet.  Wait and see.

I’ve managed to set up my itunes, so everything is set up almost perfectly, so yay! 

I can’t wait until I’m back in PG.  To live in a place with room-mates and have fun with friends, go out for a drink, work hard for minimum wage, and start school in September?  It sounds like the perfect life again; something similar that I had when I was living in Calgary.  I’ll appreciate it more this time.

I think I could see myself living here if I learned how to drive.  Then nothing would be problematic.  I don’t get out enough…

Day 53: Update.

It’s been a while since I’ve updated, so let me begin once again by apologizing.  Not much has actually happened, but mentally, I’m changing for the better – even though it doesn’t seem that way.

I don’t realize it at first.  I don’t think that I’ve changed in anyway.  What proves what is a critical life event?  What does it mean when something really changes us for the better or worse?  I would say that this is.  But for others, it’s just like many other days.  Those days are full of loneliness and television.  Although I have just travelled back from Kitimat and Prince George, I was spoiled there for a whole week full of cuddles, love and friendship.  Smiles all over the place.  That changed quickly after, but has been bandaged up.

I honestly say that there is nothing wrong with my life.

I heard mum’s voice today.  It couldn’t have come at a better time.  She had updated me on her situation in my homeland, Tasmania, and it was nice to hear her smile ever since my step-dad passed away.  He’s looking out for her, and I’m comforted to know that all is well 27,000km away in another country, another life.

It’s been interesting lately.  I took a break away from Gitwinksihlkw, because I was able to.  Jay picked me up in Kitimat after transportation issues, and we spent a good four days straight, without leaving each other’s sights.  We quarrelled slightly, but he is the first person that I’m able to control my irritable mood around, without feeling forced to.  That’s a first for me, and I’m thankful that he’s in my life.  This being said, we spun out in a ditch 40km’s away from Gitwinksihlkw, when we were about to start our adventure back to PG.  We helped each other anyway that we could, and we were happy that we had each other.  The car was not in a ruin.  The fresh growth of pine cushioned our fall, and all we had damaged was the back bumper (I’m sure there’s another word for that) and the mudflaps were all destroyed.  Three hours at the convenience store, and we were flying after.  Jay was a brave soul, and we managed to get back to PG around 1am the next morning.  Mind you, we were also surrounded by fog everywhere, and it was snowing until just before Smithers.  We had done well, and I think that it was a successful, yet pleasurable trip driving with him.  We spent three more nights in PG, and I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

Thank you, sir.

PG was kinda interesting.  I found I have a tolerance to alcohol now.  I can’t get drunk, and I don’t wake up with a hangover.  That’s pretty awesome.  The other thing that I just found out a few hours ago is that I may have caffeine intolerance.  I think I’m going through my second puberty.  Maybe I’ll grow a few inches.

There was one instance recently that didn’t destroy anything, but my trust for a few people.  I’m not explaining it on here, but the whole situation is really un-necessary, and has been taken out of context.  Other people appreciate expanding situations to more than it’s default threshold.  I love you guys, thanks for taking sides and feel free to stay out of my life if you’re going to stay on your high horses.  I don’t need that attitude in my life, when I’m trying to be the best I can be.

I revamped my itunes today, I’m proud of myself.  I just have two amazing artists to correct, and it’ll be perfectly organized.  I’m curious how many of my friends have their music collection organized like mine?  Talking about this, I’m currently listening to Jane Siberry – New York Trilogy.  I’m embracing her music, and I think that her being a Canadian lesbian is extremely awesome and empowering.  Congratulations to her.  Next, Tori Amos?  I have her music – we’ll see!

I’ve been icefishing once more since coming back.  I caught two decent sized rainbow trout.  They’re in the fridge, waiting to be eaten.  I also tried some herring eggs – those that you catch on a tree branch, and are exported to Japan.  I wasn’t too keen on those, because they were way too strong for me.  I did find out that a traditional dessert is oolichan grease mixed with assorted traditional berries.  I’m not sure what I would think of it, so I didn’t try any.  I’ve also learned not to be shy with my food.  There was a steak in the fridge.  I didn’t cook it up, because I didn’t think I should eat it.  I wasn’t told off or anything, but I was warned that if I want to eat something, I should eat it.  I think I shouldn’t be shy around here anymore.

I have learned that today, people enjoy my opinion.  It’s taking me a while.  I’m starting to learn that my voice actually matters, and it’s nice to embrace my thoughts with a different cultural outlook.  I’m starting to not stumble over my words as much, and my thought process is starting to evolve.  I’m not sure if anyone could be as proud of me, considering this is a big outcome from me.  I’m not sure if it’s because I’m watching what I’m saying, or if I’m watching too much “Days of our lives”.  Not kidding on that one either.  It’s a daily thing for Irene, Missy and me to sit and watch that.  Kinda our “cool” club.

But two things have improved.  The speaking and I’m not twitching as much.  Jay had mentioned that I might have experienced too much electrical force from the piercings.  Once I took the piercings out, I now have six; the twitching stopped approximately 90%.  That made me relieved, and now more comfortable to be in bed, cuddling, with someone else; or merely holding hands.

I have attended Hobiiyee, that is the Nisg̱a’a new year.  I’ve written about it in another blog post, so I hope you enjoy it.

Ciao for now, friends.

Day 50: Hobiiyee.

Hobiiyee is a celebration held to celebrate the “Nisg̱a’a new year”.  This New Year occurs at the end of February, where a star shines above the quarter moon.  The four clans and surrounding nations, including the Tsimsham, Wet’su’weten, Haisla and Gitx̱san also attend from neighbouring cities and villages.  We travelled there a bit later in the celebration, and arrived about 3:30pm.  The hall was packed with about 800 people, and there were signs everywhere with what nations were attending.  In the middle, there was a huge moon that was painted with glow-in-the-dark paint, and I’ve been told that it shined; the star above it was glistened with gold. 

The whole aspect of a Hobiiyee dance is to sing songs in Nisg̱a’a (or correct applicable language), maintain traditional stories, and dance to describe and tell the stories.  The gender roles are noted in the dances, with the men and the women being separated from each other.  The men are in three categories:  drummers, blanket dancers, and those dressed up to represent the stories.   This maybe either a creature such as a wolf, raven, bear, etc. or if there is one song is about fertility, then a man may dress up as a woman, and lure in another man to dance with him.  The women are lined up in about three rows next to the first line of the strongest drummers, creating an acute angle.  From what I noticed, the women (when I was performing) tended to represent water.  Their movements of the women were fluid with their voices being higher, and can drown out the male voices.  The dancing when the women were going around were like soft waves, calming the intensity of the drummers and the dancers.  This gave the performance a gentle feel that I had enjoyed.  Making the simile was dry, because the Gitwinksihlkw women were carrying around fish as well, to represent the spawning.

The Wet’su’wet’en were the first nation who I saw performing properly, and they had a small group of about ten people.  They explained all their songs to the people, and the crowd was quite loud for their performance.  I felt curious, because they had explained about their history, as they had lost a lot of people, and they were starting to be revived in their population.  They couldn’t play all of their songs, or perform their dancers, since many of them were lost with the residential schools, and people of more than one nation were choosing another nation over the Wet’su’wet’en.

The dancers had mesmerized me for the first few hours, I never paid too much attention to who may have been singing or dancing, but there was always something going on.  The beating of the drums and the voices made powerful within a capella were ironically pacifying, because the songs and dances had told a story.  If the groups had someone who was willing to share, they would explain the song, and the story behind the song.  The Gitwinksihlkw, and a few other groups also had an elder speak in Nisg̱a’a to explain deeper in meaning.

Some people wore regalia of an innate fashion, with some wearing taxidermed bear of wolf skins.  These were sometimes younger or teenage men that would act as the animal.  The men whose regalia was a wolfskin would dance around in circles, trying to find their pray, and even howling as the wolf would.  The bears generally danced around in circles, lifting their head up so often.  The blanket dancers would dance around the animals, usually acting similar to small birds that keep restrained to a certain area.  The other people, who dressed up, as a wolf would be wearing a costume made with a wooden mask representing the creature.  The eyeholes would be small, but the abalone shell representing the eyes makes the mask shine.

 The main part that I remembered about the evening was when I performed.  I was loaned a drum and an Eagle crest that consisted of a beaver and a stick on the back of the shirt.  Changed into black shorts, and my ’regalia’ was ready.  Went on stage, and had specific instructions.  The females came out at the same time as we did, and we went into our respected places.  There were many speeches before each song in Nisg̱a’a from the same elder, and even if they never understood, people still mostly listened.  Because the songs that I knew were performed the evening before, I hadn’t practiced the songs that were sung, because I was in Prince George.  I listened, and copied the movement of the drums, and tried to pronounce the words.  I know I did well.  There was a lot of stamina used while drumming, simply because the same movements are preformed over and over.  The women were getting tired also, the third song had them dancing with fish in many circles and non-complex, but repetitive movements.  Regardless of people being tired, their best was given, and it was shown by the determination that the people had. We had one song, as mentioned earlier where one of the members had dressed up as a woman.  He led the host into the middle of the stage and showed how he wanted to dance with him.  It was really unexpected, and the crowd roared with laughter and applause. 

Hobiiyee was quite enjoyable, with seeing many dancers and singers.  It gave a sense of community, and diversified opinions about one subject, even what Hobiiyee is truly about.  It was pleasurable that the four villages were able to get together for a positive celebration, and were able to showcase a small bit of what Nisg̱a’a culture truly is.

Day 33: Lame excitement and a new beginning

Fish, fish, fish.  That’s most of my diet at this time.  Shawna wasn’t kidding when she said the Nisga’a eat a lot of fish.  Irene had made KD and weiners the other night, and I had chosen that over the smoked salmon fettuccini, because I’ve eaten mostly fish.  I’ll make sure to eat that tomorrow for lunch, so it doesn’t spoil.  On the brighter side, I now am no longer afraid of fishbones. 

The fish that has been made has been amazing, but there comes a point where you just overdose on it, and you don’t really eat anything else.  It’s all noms, but I’m not sure if I’m able to have a diet on just one thing.  I was spoiled growing up.

I went to a feast the other night.  It was horrible.  Wolves ran the first feast; Killer whales ran this feast.  There were two feasts – one for a girl with many medical problems, and the other for a stone moving.  The girl passed away last year, and they wanted to keep postponing her feast, and the stone moving was not impressive.  I can’t go into detail, but let me mention a few things that happened.

Not many ‘elders’ spoke in Nisga’a.  I was disappointed, because I was spoiled in the first feast.  The first feast, everyone was treated well, and this one, people were just sat down and forgotten about.  There were two tables of food.  This food was not exactly the best, as there was a lot of bought “Chinese” food, and practically everything had fish in it.  They even served KD with smoked fish in it.  Apparently there was sealion somewhere.  I didn’t even see it (it’s easy to notice, since the meat is black) I had a piece of meat in gravy that tasted like silverside; that was kinda nice and reminded me of home.  I had a problem with the food, because I thought the only food that was to be served, other than refreshments was the Nisga’a stew.  I never had that either.  Next thing was the gifts.  We received a lot of gifts, but some of the people never managed to receive a lot of them.  Everyone received different gifts, because of rankings, but most of it is dollarstore stuff, still had the labels on it.  Next thing was the rapid attacks on other elders.  I understand that if you have a problem with someone, you take it out on them, but not in public.

“I gave you this name, and I can take it from you too”.

That was from an elder who wanted to pass on a name to her brother, but because of his “disease” of being an alcoholic, he’s not allowed.  I can understand – but you don’t need to announce it to everyone.  There were guests from outside of town.  Church folks, doctors from Vancouver, and me.  That’s really not appropriate for any of us, especially if you’re saying it in English.  Pretty disappointing.

The last feast received $27,000.  This one received $10,000 for both the stone moving and the funeral.

Mind you, this is the first combined feast that was ever performed.  They’re worried about losing their culture, but if they keep changing it to allow small things like that, then they’re gonna have nothing.  Irene mentioned that the Nisga’a are becoming “Hollywood Indians”.  Little do they know, she’s right.

The “New Beginning” is something small.  I had received my course outlines for two courses – FNST 220/320.  I’m hoping that they are both credentials for transfer, especially going into Linguistics.  FNST 220 is an introduction to Linguistics, based on FNST languages of Northern BC, the ones I happen to love.  The website associated with the class is at http://www.web.unbc.ca/~smalgyax/ .  The teacher, Margaret is focused on the Ts’msyen language, and that’s the one that we’re focusing on.  I believe that Nisga’a is a part of the Ts’msyen language family also.  220 will teach me about the things I need to know about, such as the IPA, Phonology, Morphology, Syntax and so.

320 is what I really want to do.  I’ll be dissecting a language.  (I just realized that I need to purchase a Nisga’a dictionary.  Awesome.)  The thing that I’m really excited about that I was nervous about was that there’s no final exam.  I’ll be doing a final project on one of the following:

·      Words, and word parts

·      Different kinds of words, and how to recognize them

·      Basic sentence patterns (Intransitive or transitive)

·      Expanded Sentences

·      Variation on basic sentences.

I’ll become more comfortable creating a project once the class continues on.  I’m actually thinking that I could create an interesting sounding Germanic-Ts’msyen/Dene conlang after completing this course, and I’ll be able to continue using the IPA in succession too!

I’ll find out if I’m going to Terrace on Friday for the weekend.  I’m crossing my fingers, as it’s been forever since I’ve seen my friend.  I’m gonna be online all day tomorrow, as I’m going to be studying the Nisga’a alphabet as it’s part of my first lesson that I /may/ be missing.  May as well catch up, right?  These are the reasons why I moved to Gitwinksihlkw in the first place, and I’m more than excited to begin learning Nisga’a properly – even off first voices.  I may ask Irene if she is able to help me with the alphabet sometime too!

I’ve decided that I’m gonna edit my personal appearance.  The beard is getting chopped into stubble when I move back to PG.  I really don't like my beard too long, as it’s becoming annoying with split ends, and I don't have anything to manage it with.  I may trim when I get to PG, with Jay’s help.  Otherwise, I’ve found myself munching on it.  With my hair, I’m growing it long, though I’m shaving the sides.   I’m hoping to grow it long in the middle, and have a plait growing down my back.  I’m thinking of getting rid of all but three piercings on my face – my third eye, septum and labret.  I’m not sure how people will think about that. :)

I’m going to MoNo this summer too.  Planning on ordering my ticket tomorrow.  Gonna see if anyone can give me a ride down, and I’ll pay for half gas, or the fraction – depending how many people are in the vehicle.  I just want a weekend away, with no worries about my health or anything else.  I feel this is the right decision, and I know this is what I want.  I also get to run around naked too.

Food part:  Irene made “Nisga’a chips” the other day.  Get some fish skin, put it in the oven and bake them with a little salt.  Quite delicious, even if they’re a little fish tasting!

Seems that my life is kinda full at the moment.  Oh yes, Hobiiyee practice too.  I’ve started to drum in the community with Irene’s drum, and I’ve saved some sound files from the practices.  I’m not gonna upload any, ‘cause of privacy purposes, but if anyone wishes to listen, I’ll gladly play them for you in person :) 

Turns out I love “David’s Song”, heh.  Although it’s an adjustment from a religious song, it’s ironic that a song I love is named the same as my brother. :P

Irene appreciates me being a drummer for Hobiiyee, because I bring soul and spirit into the performance.  I hope I’m allowed to preform with the Nisga’a.